Anonymous: No no no, please stay here. Please. I don't want you to go. Take a shower for me - Let all your tears out, scream at the top of your lungs, smash something. But please don't do this to yourself. Hold on until tomorrow, go to sleep. Please. 

I’m going to sleep for as long as I possibly can. I don’t want there to be a tomorrow. I just want to stop hurting. I want to stop feeling like this.

I don’t care anymore. I can’t do this. I can’t handle this.

I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe.
The day he left me keeps playing over and over again in my head every time I try to fall asleep.
And the day I left to come home to “visit” for 2 weeks…the “see you soons” at the airport that turned into a goodbye with no closure; the morning anxiety that had us in his bathroom for 45 minutes while I puked up the terrible feeling I had in my stomach because I knew all along I wasn’t coming back, even though I was told a billion times, “stop worrying, you live here now. It’s only 2 weeks, you’ll be fine, you’re coming back”…it’s been almost 7 months and I’m a complete and suicidal mess that’s lost absolutely everything. I can’t cope. I can’t breathe. No one, especially him will understand how much this fucking hurts…to have the love of your life just…leave and leave you shattered into a million tiny fucking pieces. It hurts so fucking much. I have never wanted to live in the past so badly.
I want my life back. I want what we had back. I miss him. I miss everything. I miss the arms that made me feel safe and at home. I can’t…I can’t handle how much this hurts and I can’t do a single fucking thing about it.
I’m going crazy…I am crazy…I just want my Nick back…I want us back. This isn’t fair. This isn’t how it’s suppose to be.
My life is a living hell without you; without my best friend…come back. I love you so fucking much. I need you. I don’t want to spend my forever without you. Look at that deck of cards; every single one. Look at it and know every single thing is still 100% true. Read our letters, read everything. Look at our pictures…because I do every single fucking day. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do, because getting over us and moving on isn’t an option. I will always be in love with you…I hate this.
I would rather be dead; I want to die.

"In case you ever foolishly forget; I am never not thinking of you."
- Virginia Woolf (via aurelle)

(Source: aesthesos, via gardencorpse)

"Would losing me even be a loss?"
- (via unreturnedfeelings)

Obviously not

(Source: daggerred, via gardencorpse)